Jim
I'M A DISGUSTING WORTHLESS BILGESACK ON THE GARGANTUAN TEAT OF A LABORING, LEPROUS MUSCLEBEAST. MY SELF ESTEEM IS SO SMALL, ITS EXISTENCE IS A MATTER OF CONJECTURE AMONG THEORETICAL PHYSICISTS. I SMELL SO BAD, THE STENCH CANNOT BE EXPRESSED WITH EVEN THE MOST ELOQUENT, FLORID LANGUAGE. THE ODOR MY BODY MAKES HAS MADE POETS CRY. I HAVE WON SPECIAL AWARDS FOR DISCOVERING NEW PLACES TO TOUCH MYSELF EROTICALLY WHILE FARTING. I UNFAIRLY PULVERIZE THE COMPETITION IN ASSHOLE PAGEANTS, AND I HAVE RECEIVED A LIFETIME BAN FROM UGLY CONTESTS BY PRESIDENT SHITFACE HIMSELF. MY BLOOD IS NOT FIT TO FLOW THROUGH A SEWER, AND MY SIGN IS A PICTOGRAPHIC SYMBOL THAT LOOSELY TRANSLATES AS "PLEASE HIKE THESE PANTS UP TO THIS GUY'S ARMPITS, CHAIN HIM TO A FLOGGING JUT, AND MAKE A FUCKING EXAMPLE OUT OF THIS SORRY SACK OF SHIT." WHEN I LOOK IN A MIRROR, MY REFLECTION SLOWLY SHAKES HIS HEAD WHILE I WET MYSELF IN SHAME.

askvanillaandrummie:

(( Fear not! My door will help me keep zombies from breaking down the door… Wait? Does that mean my door is indestru OHMYGOD! The walls! They are paper thin! they are comming through the walls! ))

A HB pencil…

Someone send help.

6 Feb '12 | 6:04pm |24 notes
via:askvanillaandrummie | ori:askvanillaandrummie
  1. robotogirl reblogged this from jimfaindel and added:
    a book…fuck.
  2. gavinfreeflying reblogged this from therailz and added:
    My leg… … That’s what I get for using an iPad. Maybe I can tear it off and use it as bait by throwing it out the window.
  3. zak-th reblogged this from monkeyman5 and added:
    I don’t know if the kid on the bus next to me will aprechiate me doing that…
  4. kenyru reblogged this from yawgmotth and added:
    My……. computer speaker. Perhaps if I played that one song that goes like ‘All we want to do is eat your brains’ at least...
  5. myrajiaguerrier reblogged this from rustedkitsune and added:
    A… half-empty bottle of Spironolactone. Imma get nommed ;-;
  6. clogsgalore reblogged this from sliverhive and added:
    A motorbike helmet….Oh boy.
  7. jimfaindel reblogged this from rustedkitsune and added:
    Well, no help coming, time to be proactive. *Sticks the pencil up his nose into his brain* -Oooh, sweet release!… *Dead*
  8. therailz reblogged this from yawgmotth and added:
    A crocodile puppet and nerf gun …..well dang.
  9. rustedkitsune reblogged this from yawgmotth and added:
    My bed. Well, if I had the time to forge the metal frame into weapons… Wait! If I have that much time, I’ll just grab my...
  10. sliverhive reblogged this from monkeyman5 and added:
    A plastic butter knife. I think this will work
  11. frasercartoons reblogged this from yawgmotth and added:
    OH! I forgot I got this pillow! All these years of pillow fighting shall finally pay off!
  12. monkeyman5 reblogged this from yawgmotth and added:
    Can I trade with you? I have a arm thats throbbing.
  13. yawgmotth reblogged this from frasercartoons and added:
    A bottle of rum and a 2 liter of coke… well at least I’ll have fun dying xD
  14. askvanillaandrummie posted this